Wow. How long do you think it took to make this 2 minute book trailer?! Gorgeous and hypnotic.
Now, what was the book about?
December 7, 2009
December 4, 2009
Drinking The Tea
I was eating an apple and reading a profile of Gregory Maguire in Writer’s Digest. He’s the author of “Wicked,” among other things.
He was talking about earning his doctorate later in life and how it taught him to be patient with difficult reading.
“I came to love and admire the work of Puritan writers in the American colonies — work I had previously detested. I saw there was something universal in all expressions of human culture, and a mature student would not pass something by as being not his cup of tea. It was the student writer’s JOB to drink the tea,” he says. “Drink the tea, people.”
And then I dropped my half-eaten apple. Not because of the gravity of his words, but because of real gravity. Also, I was lazy and thought I could bite around my thumb. But I couldn’t. Hence the bitten thumb. Deservedly so.
As I was cleaning up my dropped apple, his words resonated with me.
“Drink the tea, people.”
It occurred to me that’s what’s wrong with America these days. Nobody is willing to do or say or learn or read or listen to anything or anyone out of their comfort zone, I thought, wiping apple goo from my pants. We’re mired in our own opinions and beliefs because it’s easy to do so. It’s so much more difficult to create neural pathways that lead to potentially different, unfamiliar territory.
I swiped at the sticky on my floor and tossed the dishrag back in the sink before picking up the magazine again.
The next paragraph admonished us not to “swivel the radio dial because it’s blasting something you’re not interested in — attack call-in talk shows, fundamentalist sermons, ball game reporting, left-wing sob stories — however you define your least-favorite aural experience. There is always something to learn from paying attention to everything.”
I love it when I’m smart like that. See, I got it before he even explained it. Yay me!
My son says, with what I can only assume is hopeless and grudging admiration, “You are a very curious person.”
You’d be justified in thinking he was calling me odd, but I know it was after one of those conversations where I asked a zillion exhausting questions to which his answer was always, “I dunno.”
I remember when my kids were in elementary school and they’d come home to have this conversation:
Them: “There was a new kid on the bus.”
Me: “Boy or girl? What was his name? What grade is he in? Did he get off at your stop? Where does he live? Were you nice to him? Did you offer him a seat? Did you introduce him to your friends? Does he have any siblings? What do his parents do? Have they ever vacationed in Belize? Are his grandparents still living? What are their memories of the Great Depression? Did they have a Victory Garden? Do they like to garden? Maybe you could take them down to the community garden. Do you want a snack?”
Them, eyes crossed and ears bleeding: “I dunno.”
But I don’t always drink the tea, either. I’m going to make more of an effort, though.
I’ll read more non-fiction.
I’ll try tofu.
I’ll play Wii golf (which is hard) instead of Wii bowling (which is easy).
And if none of that hurts too much, I might even try to listen to Rush Limbaugh or read Sarah Palin’s book.
Of course, then I’ll have to drink something stronger than tea.
What will you do to break out of your comfort zone?
December 1, 2009
Spatchcocking The Bird
It sounds like as much fun as it was.
I promised the BeckyLand readers immoderate amounts of information and photos from our Thanksgiving bacchanal, so here you go.
The word “spatchcock” — for those of you not up-to-date on archaic vocabulary — is a combination of “dispatch” meaning to prepare poultry for cooking (including all the indelicate parts from killing to feathering to trimming; you know, the stuff you don’t want to know about) and “cock” meaning bird. Dispatch the cock. Spatchcock.
The more modern meaning would be “tell your husband to remove himself from the recliner because it’s time to fight with this slippery turkey and we have a zillion people coming over soon.”
Come. Join me on a pictorial tutorial through a half hour of our Thanksgiving morning. Apologies to my vegetarian friends and those foreigners who might not comprehend the desperate measures and sacrifices Americans make on this holiest of Eating Holidays.
Posing and dancing the bird on the counter is the first step. That’s how you know if it’s ripe.
Cut one side of the backbone …
… then the other …
… finally removing it altogether. Then hope your grandma doesn’t smite you from her heavenly perch for not saving it to make soup.
Almost spatched.
Turn it over. Maneuver it one last time in a demure pose. After all, how would you feel to be all naked on the kitchen counter like that?!
Press firmly on the sternum until it makes a delicious cracking sound. Like a really good chiropractic adjustment.
Spatched.
And posed one last time. Just because it’s fun.
Ready to cook …
Cooked. Quite delish.
The benefits to spatchcocking are numerous and include more than just getting to play with your food. Your turkey cooks in about half the time, but choose one that’s no more than 15 pounds. (This one was about 11 pounds. We did another one in the traditional way. You know, in a bag.) You can get the spices everywhere much easier. Breast and thighs are done at the same time. Crispier skin. Easier to carve. Guaranteed blog entry with maybe the extra bonus of angry vegetarian comments.
You will sacrifice the big Norman Rockwell presentation, but by the time that happens, everyone is all liquored up anyway and just wants to tear into a drumstick.
Chief Spatchcocker says I wouldn’t be able to do it myself but methinks he underestimates the mighty, mighty power of my willfullness. Or what I’d do for a blog entry.
So … what do you think? Will you spatchcock YOUR bird?
November 24, 2009
Get Ready for Thanksgiving
Treat these funny Thanksgiving quotes in whichever way makes sense for you. Read them now, in anticipation of a joyful day, overflowing with merriment. Or read them after your passive aggressive family brawl of a holiday to help you get over it. Or read them now AND read them later simply because they’ll make you smile.
George Carlin …
We’re having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we’re having a swan. You get more stuffing.
Ambrose Bierce …
Turkey: A large bird whose flesh, when eaten on certain religious anniversaries has the peculiar property of attesting piety and gratitude.
Erma Bombeck …
What we’re really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?
Cornelius Plantinga, Jr. …
It must be an odd feeling to be thankful to nobody in particular. Christians in public institutions often see this odd thing happening on Thanksgiving Day. Everyone in the institution seems to be thankful ‘in general.’ It’s very strange. It’s a little like being married in general.
Russell Baker …
It was dramatic to watch my grandmother decapitate a turkey with an ax the day before Thanksgiving. Nowadays the expense of hiring grandmothers for the ax work would probably qualify all turkeys so honored with ‘gourmet’ status.
Jon Stewart …
I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.
Johnny Carson …
Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.
H. W. Westermayer …
The pilgrims made seven times more graves than huts… nevertheless, set aside a day of thanksgiving.
Arnold Schwarzenegger …
I love Thanksgiving turkey… it’s the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts.
Kevin James …
Thanksgiving, man! Not a good day to be my pants.
Erma Bombeck …
Thanksgiving dinner takes eighteen hours to prepare. It is consumed in twelve minutes. Football half-time take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.
Rita Rudner …
My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.
Phyllis Diller …
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
BONUS HOLIDAY SUGGESTION
And here’s something to do when you’re all stuffed with pie and can only move to pick up the TV remote … Thanksgiving themed movies!
First, my very favorite movie of all time … the movie against which all movies should be judged … the movie all movies should aspire to be … the movie to be studied in film schools to ensure movies of this caliber should be continued to be made …
Pieces of April
Can cute, edgy Katie Holmes really cook a turkey? She certainly tries in Peter Hedges 2003 indie drama about an independent young woman who invites her estranged family to her East Village apartment for the holidays. All is well until the stove breaks.
~~~~~~~~~~
And some other ones …
Hannah and Her Sisters
Woody Allen’s 1986 drama about three sisters is one of his very best. The film’s set piece is Thanksgiving, where Hannah’s (Mia Farrow) clan gathers together in a tremendous Central Park West apartment for the holiday celebration. The black maid polishes the silver, Mia’s mother drinks too much and plays the piano, hearts are broken and mended in startling ways. Barbara Hershey, Michael Caine, Diane Wiest, Carrie Fisher, and Woody Allen also star.
~~~~~~~~~~
Home For The Holidays
Jodie Foster’s directorial debut gets it just right: dinner with the family can be a nightmare — and also hilarious. The stellar cast includes Academy Award winner Holly Hunter, Robert Downey Jr., Claire Danes, and Anne Bancroft.
~~~~~~~~~~
The House of Yes
Indie film’s first reigning queen Parker Posey won a Special Recognition award at the 1997 Sundance Film Festival for her all-out eccentric performance as Jackie-O. Mentally deranged but charming in her pill box hats, Parker flies into a menacing jealous rage when her adored older brother (Josh Hamilton) brings home a girlfriend (Tori Spelling) for Thanksgiving.
~~~~~~~~~~
Miracle on 34th Street
What is Thanksgiving for, if not to get hyped up about the coming of Christmas? Nowhere is that more joyously clear than in the 1947 classic Miracle on 34th Street, starring Maureen O’Hara, John Payne and the super adorable, six-year-old Natalie Wood. The film starts at the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade and heads straight into the venerable department store. Let the shopping begin!
~~~~~~~~~~
Planes, Trains, Automobiles
An advertising executive who just wants to fly home to spend Thanksgiving with his family is stuck with a loud but lovable salesman during an unbelievable succession of blizzards, transfers, strikes, and delays. Steve Martin and John Candy are hilarious in this classic John Hughes comedy.
~~~~~~~~~~
What will you do this Thanksgiving?
November 23, 2009
November 19, 2009
You Think YOUR Commute is Crazy
There’s a mass email floating around that says something like “The Road of Death in Bolivia” and it has photos of ridiculously dangerous roads.
But the tireless researchers here in BeckyLand have discovered it’s a combination of a bunch of crazy roads around the world. We’ve sorted it all out for you.
You’re welcome.
This is the Guoliang Tunnel in China … perfectly safe. Carved by the people of the village between 1972 and 1977. Before they had that, the only way to their village was by a stairway carved into the mountain.
Perhaps this next place was how the Guoliang villagers got home each night before they dug their tunnel. This is also in China – in case you ever want to stroll around Mount Hua. Read this guy’s account of taking that little hike. My palms were sweaty just looking at the pictures!
This is a road in Bolivia …
This road is in Russia. Ironically, easier to navigate in the winter.
So, how do you feel about YOUR commute? What’s your worst commuting story?
November 13, 2009
Holiday Mail for Heroes
For the third year, the American Red Cross has joined with Pitney Bowes and thousands of volunteers to deliver holiday mail to active duty service members, veterans and their families.
As a newly christened Navy Mom, this feels very personal to me. My son is not deployed to a war zone but he will be in Japan for at least two more years. It’ll be his first Christmas away — very far away — from his family. He has a big, loving family, but many do not.
Please consider taking ten minutes to write a card to someone in the military. As I write this, Veterans Day has just passed and many of us expressed the profound wish that our Armed Forces and those families who have sacrificed so much could be honored more often than one day a year. This would be another way for you and your family to express your good wishes and thanks to them.
READ THIS FIRST because there are specifics you must comply with so your card gets delivered. And HURRY because you must get them your card by December 7th.
At the bottom of the Red Cross page is a “share” button. Please post to your social media sites too. Feel free to forward my blog post to your friends and family if that’s easier. The more the merrier!
The direct link to the Red Cross is … www.RedCross.org/holidaymail
And to this blog post is … http://beckyland.wordpress.com/2009/11/13/holiday-mail-for-heroes
Thank you!
Have any of you been offered something tangible like this or simply a kind word from a stranger that helped ease your burden?
November 12, 2009
Dinner Last Night
I’m not a fancy girl, but I went to a fancy dinner last night. It was part of Denver Wine Week and we were invited by our pal, Captain Vino, Man-About-Town and Wine Guy Extraordinaire.
Hubbie and I put on real clothes and I even slapped on some make-up and high heels. When I was done, my 17-year-old son proclaimed me — and I quote — “stunning.”
He was being sarcastic, of course, but it still counts as a compliment because he said it out loud and I averted my eyes so as not to see the eye roll that accompanied it. If you don’t see it, it never happened.
Dinner was held at the gorgeous Opus Restaurant, closed for the evening for our soiree, entitled The Loire Valley Grand Vintners Dinner. It included representatives from the Loire Valley Wine Bureau talking about the wine presented at each course, the region in France that produces it and why it was paired with a particular food.
I believe it was the first time I used a map to follow along with my dinner. (All those times at Denneys don’t count because we really were lost.) And if you don’t count my mother at Thanksgiving, it was also the first time a chef had plopped himself down at our table to chat after preparing the meal.
Here’s the menu … I know I made it too big and it has screwed up your screen, but I wanted you to be able to read it.
It was a full evening for us. We enjoyed delicious food and drink, met new people, visited a restaurant we hadn’t been before and we also got to tell our favorite jokes.
Hubbie got to introduce me as his first wife (see, it’s funny because — oh, never mind) and when people learned we had our anniversary recently, I was able to say, “We’ve had 25 great years — 15 for him, 10 for me.”
And, because this was a four-hour dinner, I also got to use this variation …
Me: “We’ve been married 25 years.”
Complete stranger, trying to be polite: “How nice!”
Me, pretending to be horrified: “Oh! Not to each other!”
Let me just say that every dinner should include great conversation with interesting people, five types of wine, an artistic array of scallops, AND cranberry froth.
But then I guess it wouldn’t be special. Like having your son say you look stunning.
What did you have for dinner last night?
November 10, 2009
25 Years
Today is my 25th wedding anniversary. By coincidence, it’s also my husband’s. It’s like we planned it or something.
By tradition, 25 years of wedded bliss is celebrated as the “Silver Anniversary.” Neither one of us is very romantic — we have a much more practical bent plus we’re lazy. So very lazy. But this year I thought I’d try to surprise him with something different so I hopped online to find some ways to celebrate.
These are some of the ideas I found:
• Use sparkly silver glitter on flowers, cards, centerpieces, gift wrap, balloons, etc. Set the table with a paper silver tablecloth, rent china and crystal with a silver or chrome trim, use silver looking votive candles, place flowers in silver colored vases.
…. Or I could sprinkle glitter on the four-day-old pile of newspapers that has become our centerpiece. Maybe lighting them on fire would add a cozy, romantic touch.
• Toast one another with Champagne.
…. We already do this one. A lot. But mostly just when we toss another beer bottle in the trashcan, causing a lovely clinking sensation. Or is that when an angel gets its wings?
• Plan a picnic with paper silver-colored plates and cups.
…. Maybe, but neither one of us actually wants to go on a picnic in November in Colorado. But I’ll certainly consider planning one. The gift, I suppose, would be when I laid out the plans, saw his horrified face, then told him he didn’t have to go. Priceless.
• Purchase tickets for a movie, sports event, concert, theatre, etc. and wrap with a silver ribbon or place in a silver box.
…. We do this all the time. We tend to wrap them up in credit card receipts, though.
• Plan a trip to Silver Springs in Maryland or Florida, Silverstrand Beach in California or Ireland, or to a Silver Mine.
…. Or we could find everything on Netflix with Ron Silver, Sarah Silverman, Alicia Silverstone and Phil Silvers and have a marathon.
• Put together a CD with songs from the era of the marriage date.
…. Um … that’s pretty much all the music we have.
• Assemble a memory photo album with pictures highlighting 25 years together. Include the wedding, children, grandchildren, friends, trips taken together, homes lived in, etc. A nice addition is to include stories from children and friends.
…. Feeling smug about this one as we’ve been making photo albums for more than 25 years. We never look at them, however, because if you disturb the dust you sneeze for a month. (And really? People need to be told what to put in a photo album??)
• Create a poem, write it in silver ink, and display it in a silver colored frame.
…. I tried this one, but I’m not sure —
There once was a couple from Denver
Who loved to watch Netflix like “Ben Hur”
They secured a good date
But the mailman’s too late
And they couldn’t quite find a new vendor
• Put together a family quilt comprised of each square done by a family member or close friends.
…. Okay, just let me get started. Probably won’t take too long. I have a couple hours till dinner.
• Make a wish tree. You can use a big branch that you paint silver and decorate with silver ribbons, ornaments etc. Fill the branches with pictures of major events in your life, people who love and cherish you as well as tickets for a trip, travelers checks, gift certificates for different events and restaurants you could use on a trip, etc.
…. This one baffles me. What exactly would you be wishing for? That your life was different and didn’t have all these icky events and people who love you? That your anniversary was closer to Christmas so you wouldn’t have to haul yet another big tree into your house? That you could actually spend the travelers checks and gift certificates instead of impaling them on a dead branch in your living room? Pass.
None of these really speak to me as the best way to celebrate our 25 official years together.
Instead, I think I’ll find a shiny quarter — so simple, yet so symbolic — and we’ll flip it.
Heads does the laundry, tails cleans the kitchen.
Bonus photos!
This photo doesn’t do it justice, but see this enormous train and veil? It weighed at least 75 pounds and took 14 festively dressed Guatemalan children to wrestle it into place. But it segues nicely into the next photo, one of my favorites ….
That’s me and my dad trying to squeeze through the church doors without wrecking the dress or any of the Guatemalan children. Our hearts weren’t bursting with love for the photographer just then. It makes me laugh every time I remember it. I’m just glad the music was loud enough to cover our cursing.
What do you think makes for a worthy 25th Anniversary celebration?
November 9, 2009
How To Be 78 Years Old
I recently had the opportunity to spend both quality and quantity time with my mother while she recovered from surgery. Her recovery took about eight seconds — for which I’m very thankful — but then I got snowed in at her house.
Here’s a photo of her bedquarters. [Get it?? Like headquarters?? Oh, I crack me up.]
From this command center she was able to direct and supervise all activities. Like me clearing two feet of snow off my car.
Spending this much time in her home was illuminating because I hadn’t lived with my mother since about 1982. Also because for about that same amount of time, I’ve been the oldest person I’ve lived with.
My mother has taught me many valuable lessons over the years, some of which I’ll share.
• Don’t giggle and fidget in church, but if you can’t help yourself, scoot over near another family so as not to shame us.
• Red wine vinegar is not the same as red wine.
• When arriving home after a long car trip, no one uses the bathroom until the car is unpacked.
• If you pay a kid a quarter for every tick they find on themselves after camping, they’re likelier to inspect their nooks and crannies more diligently. Plus, they’ll also check the dog.
As you can see, she’s a wise and wonderful woman.
And now she’s taught me something else … how to be a 78-year-old.
If you would like to act 78 years old, this will get you started…
- Get up at 4 a.m., make a pot of coffee and read for three hours. Then go back to bed, making it seem like you get up early AND sleep late simultaneously.
- Upon waking, immediately turn on the TV and make a full pot of coffee.
- Eat constantly, but only tiny dabs of this or that.
- Coffee, coffee and more coffee.
- Watch TV but only for about 90 seconds at a time because everything reminds you of a story … or something you need to remember … or a question you’ve been wondering about for several years. Glance wistfully at your computer, knowing all answers live there, but also knowing said answers prefer to hide from you.
- Turn the coffeepot off.
- Two minutes later, brew a cup of tea.
- Make sure you are — this appears to be of the utmost importance — make sure you are AT ALL TIMES within three feet of a box of Kleenex. If you think you’ll breach that perimeter, pluck a couple and shove them into your pocket or your sleeve or between two buttons on your shirt.
- If you don’t bathe by noon, just take a “PTA Bath” reminding yourself that the mailman doesn’t care how you look. [Hint: The A stands for armpits, but the P and the T are not words an elderly woman with a proper upbringing should say. Except to her daughter. Who will crack up and tell all her friends what a hoot it is when old ladies lose their inhibitions.]
- More coffee.
- Even though you’ve cooked two-and-a-half million chickens for Sunday dinner in the last 50+ years, confess you never really liked to eat fried chicken. This makes your daughter feel guilty. Especially after she buys fried chicken to stock the fridge during your recovery.
- When recovering from surgery, eschew stairs, Scrabble and salt. But not sherry.
My mom rocks.
What will you do when you are 78 years old?
