I’m Just Sayin

May 29, 2009

Set Your Alarm

Filed under: Goofy Stuff, Stuff Worth Pondering — beckycc @ 10:00 am
Tags: ,

I read this the other day …

“At five minutes and six seconds after 4 a.m. on the 8th of July this year, the time and date will be: 04:05:06 07/08/09. While that sequence will never occur again, we don’t think we’ll stay up for it.”

Um, unless I’m mistaken, it’ll come around again that day. I suppose you could set your alarm and celebrate in the wee small hours when the whole wide world is fast asleep.

I, however, will celebrate at 4:05:06 pm on 07/08/09.

Since there’s no celebration without food, this is what I will serve my guests:

4 barbecued chicken drumsticks
5 slices of avocado
6 celery sticks, half spread with peanut butter, half spread with hummus
7 Triscuits topped with cheddar cheese slices
8 cherry tomatoes
9 green olives

Or, if I don’t get to the grocery store before 1:02:03 pm on 07/08/09, we’ll just celebrate the PM part. Probably with peach martinis.

Got any better celebratory menu?

May 28, 2009

Racism? Really?

Barack Obama nominated Sonia Sotomayor for Supreme Court Justice. A Latina. You’d think, if you listened to the loudmouth Republicans — which you don’t, because you’re all intelligent free-thinkers — you’d think he just asked Congress to confirm the love-child of Adolph Hitler and The Grand Wizard of the KKK.

Now, THEY were a couple of flaming racists.

All Sotomayor did to inflame the bellowing white men was to say, “I would hope that a wise Latina woman with the richness of her experiences would more often than not reach a better conclusion than a white male who hasn’t lived that life.”

Duh. That should be what we all want. A better conclusion. That’s not racism. That’s just good sense.

Let’s hearken back to some of the conclusions we’ve heard from white males in the last several years, shall we? Yes, you’re right. It’s a long list, but I’ll wait. I need to get a fresh can of whoop-ass anyway.

There. I’m back. Did you think of some conclusions drawn by white males? My list is a tad lengthy and filled with expletives so I’ll just share a few of the obvious ones. Going to war by lying to the American public about non-existent weapons of mass destruction … whittling away at our civil liberties … not having a plan to extricate ourselves from the doomed War on Terror … unbridled greed on Wall Street.

You get the idea.

So, yeah. I think a Latina woman — heck, any woman! — would reach a better conclusion than a white male about pretty much any topic you choose.

Seriously. Look at the white males you see on the news lately throwing their various tantrums. Rush Limbaugh. Dick Cheney. Newt Gingrich. Have they had an original, helpful thought for America? Ever? Nope.

Now look at the Latina side ….

Dora2

ugly betty2

Chita

Dora the Explorer. Ugly Betty. Chita Rivera. Original. Helpful. Much easier on the eyes.

Plus, they could kick those fat, white, privileged Man Butts up and down the hallowed halls of the McDonalds where they clearly spend way too much of their Man Time. And the ladies would do it while wearing their backpacks, braces and tap shoes.

It’s a smack-down I relish.

So, way to go, Dora, Betty, Chita and Judge Sotomayor. I’ll be doing the cha-cha at your swearing in.

Do you think Judge Sotomayor’s comments were racist?

May 26, 2009

Sweet Navy Moves

Sailors have all the fun!

Navy Numa Numa …

Love these funny military photos …

Hey Ya …

Brings new meaning to “computer keyboard.” And why do they have a lifesize Elvis and a pink floppy hat on a carrier?

Pump It …

Move Along …

Not Navy, but this is why they’re hot …

May 22, 2009

Memorial Day

Monday is Memorial Day.

To tell you the truth, I never thought much about the meaning behind it. I don’t have any war heroes in my family to honor. To me, it was always a day off school or work to be filled with swimming pool openings, barbeques and other related activity kicking off the beginning of summer.

But now that I’m an Official Navy Mom, this year I’m thinking about it. And I realized I didn’t know much. So I found this history of Memorial Day,  which I’m posting here because maybe some of you find yourself with the same lack of information. And I’m wondering what I think about the question posed at the end, which is why I want to know what you think. Mulling ….


Mem Day2

Memorial Day, originally called Decoration Day, is a day of remembrance for those who have died in our nation’s service. There are many stories as to its actual beginnings, with over two dozen cities and towns laying claim to being the birthplace of Memorial Day. There is also evidence that organized women’s groups in the South were decorating graves before the end of the Civil War: a hymn published in 1867, “Kneel Where Our Loves are Sleeping” by Nella L. Sweet carried the dedication “To The Ladies of the South who are Decorating the Graves of the Confederate Dead.”

While Waterloo N.Y. was officially declared the birthplace of Memorial Day by President Lyndon Johnson in May 1966, it’s difficult to prove conclusively the origins of the day. It is more likely that it had many separate beginnings; each of those towns and every planned or spontaneous gathering of people to honor the war dead in the 1860’s tapped into the general human need to honor our dead, each contributed honorably to the growing movement that culminated in Gen Logan giving his official proclamation in 1868. It is not important who was the very first, what is important is that Memorial Day was established. Memorial Day is not about division. It is about reconciliation; it is about coming together to honor those who gave their all.

Memorial Day was officially proclaimed on 5 May 1868 by General John Logan, national commander of the Grand Army of the Republic, in his General Order No. 11, and was first observed on 30 May 1868, when flowers were placed on the graves of Union and Confederate soldiers at Arlington National Cemetery. The first state to officially recognize the holiday was New York in 1873. By 1890 it was recognized by all of the northern states. The South refused to acknowledge the day, honoring their dead on separate days until after World War I (when the holiday changed from honoring just those who died fighting in the Civil War to honoring Americans who died fighting in any war). It is now celebrated in almost every State on the last Monday in May (passed by Congress with the National Holiday Act of 1971 to ensure a three day weekend for Federal holidays), though several southern states have an additional separate day for honoring the Confederate war dead: January 19 in Texas, April 26 in Alabama, Florida, Georgia, and Mississippi; May 10 in South Carolina; and June 3 (Jefferson Davis’ birthday) in Louisiana and Tennessee.

In 1915, inspired by the poem “In Flanders Fields,” Moina Michael replied with her own poem:

We cherish too, the Poppy red
That grows on fields where valor led,
It seems to signal to the skies
That blood of heroes never dies.

She then conceived of an idea to wear red poppies on Memorial Day in honor of those who died serving the nation during war. She was the first to wear one, and sold poppies to her friends and co-workers with the money going to benefit servicemen in need. Later a Madam Guerin from France was visiting the United States and learned of this new custom started by Ms. Michael and when she returned to France, made artificial red poppies to raise money for war orphaned children and widowed women. This tradition spread to other countries. In 1921, the Franco-American Children’s League sold poppies nationally to benefit war orphans of France and Belgium. The League disbanded a year later and Madam Guerin approached the VFW for help. Shortly before Memorial Day in 1922 the VFW became the first veterans’ organization to nationally sell poppies. Two years later their “Buddy” Poppy program was selling artificial poppies made by disabled veterans.

Mem Day1

Traditional observance of Memorial Day has diminished over the years. Many Americans nowadays have forgotten the meaning and traditions of Memorial Day. At many cemeteries, the graves of the fallen are increasingly ignored, neglected. Most people no longer remember the proper flag etiquette for the day. While there are towns and cities that still hold Memorial Day parades, many have not held a parade in decades. Some people think the day is for honoring all dead, and not just those fallen in service to our country.

There are a few notable exceptions. Since the late 50’s on the Thursday before Memorial Day, the 1,200 soldiers of the 3d U.S. Infantry place small American flags at each of the more than 260,000 gravestones at Arlington National Cemetery. They then patrol 24 hours a day during the weekend to ensure that each flag remains standing. In 1951, the Boy Scouts and Cub Scouts of St. Louis began placing flags on the 150,000 graves at Jefferson Barracks National Cemetery as an annual Good Turn, a practice that continues to this day. More recently, beginning in 1998, on the Saturday before Memorial Day, the Boys Scouts and Girl Scouts place a candle at each of approximately 15,300 grave sites of soldiers buried at Fredericksburg and Spotsylvania National Military Park on Marye’s Heights (the Luminaria Program). And in 2004, Washington D.C. held its first Memorial Day parade in over 60 years.

To help re-educate and remind Americans of the true meaning of Memorial Day, the “National Moment of Remembrance” resolution was passed on Dec 2000 which asks that at 3 p.m. local time, for all Americans “To voluntarily and informally observe in their own way a Moment of Remembrance and respect, pausing from whatever they are doing for a moment of silence or listening to ‘Taps.”

The Moment of Remembrance is a step in the right direction to returning the meaning back to the day. What is needed is a full return to the original day of observance. Set aside one day out of the year for the nation to get together to remember, reflect and honor those who have given their all in service to their country.

But what may be needed to return the solemn, and even sacred, spirit back to Memorial Day is for a return to its traditional day of observance. Many feel that when Congress made the day into a three-day weekend in with the National Holiday Act of 1971, it made it all the easier for people to be distracted from the spirit and meaning of the day. As the VFW stated in its 2002 Memorial Day address: “Changing the date merely to create a three-day weekend has undermined the very meaning of the day. No doubt, this has contributed greatly to the general public’s nonchalant observance of Memorial Day.”

On January 19, 1999 Senator Inouye introduced a bill to the Senate which proposes to restore the traditional day of observance of Memorial Day back to May 30th instead of “the last Monday in May.” On April 19, 1999 Representative Gibbons introduced the bill to the House. The bills were referred to the Committee on the Judiciary and the Committee on Government Reform.

To date, there have been no further developments on the bill.

So what do you think? Does taking a three-day weekend detract from the true meaning and spirit of Memorial Day? Should we observe Memorial Day on the original date of May 30th instead of the last Monday in May?

If you want to urge your Representatives or Senators to support these bills, there are links at Memorial Day History as well as a petition you can sign.

Mem Day3

May 21, 2009

Let’s Celebrate Boys Today

Filed under: Goofy Stuff — beckycc @ 8:51 am
Tags: ,

… in all their tough-sweet-grimy-delightful-aromatic-curious-consequences-be-damned-funny-charming-fearless-felonious-macho-stout hearted-ferocious-gentleness.

greatparentsbeach

greatparentsboobs

greatparentsboyskate

greatparentsfridge

greatparentsleaves

greatparentswatermelon

Yeah, I know this last one is gender ambiguous … like much of BeckyLand … but really. Gotta be a boy. You know it. I know it.

Favorite?

May 19, 2009

MORE Places To Piddle

Thanks to my pal Ron, I have even more awesome places to piddle. And I’m glad to know other people are interested in these snazzy restrooms.

This lady is getting ready to enter a public toilet in Houston. It even looks like she’s starting to do the “Oh, I Might Have Waited Too Long Dance” …

piddle1
Now take a look at the inside view…

piddle2
Yikes — it’s made entirely of one-way glass. They can’t see you from the outside, but geez-o-pete … could you attend to business like that??

Now join me, if you will, at a party on the tenth floor of an apartment building. It’s late. Maybe you’ve had a little too much to drink and need to piddle before we catch that train home. You open the restroom door, take a step inside, then yell, “AAAHHH! Becky! I’m falling! Meet you downstairs!”  You let go of the doorframe …

piddle3
… but then you see it’s just a painted floor. You hold on tight when you sit down, though, just in case.

And I love this ceiling mural in a smoker’s lounge. But I’m judgmental like that too.

piddle4

Could you piddle behind that one-way glass? And would smoking in a grave make you stop smoking?

May 18, 2009

Dog Thoughts

Filed under: Goofy Stuff — beckycc @ 9:40 am
Tags: , , , , ,

Have you ever looked at your dog’s face and wondered if he’s having any Deep Thoughts like these?

• Is the garbage collector stealing our stuff AGAIN? Must …bark …hysterically!

• Why do I suddenly stand straight up when I’m lying under the coffee table?

• “Kitty box crunchies,” although tasty, are not food.

• If I eat this red pen, will they think I’m hemorrhaging?

• We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.

• If I don’t eat mint-flavored dental floss out of the bathroom garbage, I probably won’t have a string hanging out of my butt.

• The cat is not a squeaky toy so when I play with him and he makes that noise, I should drop him and run.

Well, guess what?? You don’t have to wonder anymore! You can now get an app for your iPhone that will tell you exactly what your dog is thinking. You just take a picture of your pooch, then shake your iPhone. It won’t work on cats because they’re alien creatures. And it won’t work with the landline in your kitchen. Of course, that one will tell you when the pizza will arrive so treat it lovingly. And never get rid of it. Never.

Here’s a review of it.

Let’s test it.

speaking without words

This guy is thinking, “When is that appointment to get this growth removed?”

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cowboy hat

“Really?! Being your best friend sucks!”

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praying

“Please don’t make any more sweaters in my size.”

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blogging
“Any idiot can blog. Bring me coffee!!”

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Since it doesn’t work on cats, tell me what Lime Cat is thinking.

lime cat

How ‘bout polar bears?

polar bears

May 15, 2009

My Sidebar

Have ya’ll looked at my sidebar?

There’s some nifty stuff there. Like the link to McSweeney’s, a website that never fails to entertain. BeckyLand wants to be McSweeney’s when it grows up. Alas, I doubt that will ever happen.

And, please, meet my friend George Waters. He writes a really funny blog and a Sunday newspaper column you can subscribe to. He delivers it directly to the hand of the little man who lives in your email inbox. As testament to his mad humor skillz, George took over the space vacated by Dave Barry. Unfortunately, only in that one paper but still, I’m proud of him. Every journey begins with but one step, eh, Wa?

Culinary Abortions will make you snort right out loud. Every time. Guaranteed.

I loveloveLOVE Jessica Hagy’s Clever Venn Diagrams. It should be required reading for all humankind. Here’s a sample …

indexed

Click on “Right Now” … is that cool or what?? Pass your mouse over the boxes and see what they do. Some of them you can manipulate. It’s slightly hypnotic, but overwhelmingly awesome. Every time I go on, there are different boxes.

You likey what I likey? Which is your favorite?

May 14, 2009

How People Stumble into BeckyLand

I’ve become fascinated — some say obsessed — by the machinations of the blogosphere. My blogosphere, in particular.

My blog statistics and my StatCounter tell me many fascinating things, like which of my blogs are the most popular … how long people stay in BeckyLand … what pages they read during a visit … a running tally of my posts, comments and pings … and the countries my readers hail from.

People trek into BeckyLand from all the cool states and every corner of the world. Israel, Indonesia, Switzerland, Germany, Portugal, Canada, Australia. Some make sense, like Venice after I interviewed Cat Bauer who lives there. Or Sweden after I mentioned ABBA. Or Malaysia after I posted about a high school band there. Or England, since the Queen is a huge fan.

But when I saw I had visitors (plural!) from Kazakhstan, I had to do a bit of research before it made sense. An exhaustive search of Wikipedia reveals that livestock is one of Kazakhstan’s most important agricultural commodities. I recently waxed poetic about cows. Mystery solved.

My favorite blog stat, however, is the section that tells me the search terms people use to stumble into BeckyLand.

Oddly enough, every single day people, possibly muppets, search “Cookie Monster” and end up in BeckyLand. I tracked it for five days and discovered 36 of them looked for Cookie Monster and found me. But that’s not all. In one day folks searched from the general “Cookie Monster pics” (2), to the very specific “Cookie Monster eats a donut” (2), “C is for cookie” (1), and “Cookie Monster #” (3), which seems like some kind of code. Unless it’s Elmo trying to program his cell phone.

Weirdly, when I googled these phrases, I never found my blog. Lesson learned? Cookie Monster fans are persistent.

These are some of my favorite search terms people used recently to gain entry into BeckyLand. Some make perfect sense as they directly relate to topics I’ve written about like “most beautiful numbers synesthesia” … “I love a tuba player” … “synesthesia in taste” … “looks like Letterman.”

But these? “Jacuzzi” … “twas” … “what makes a person prissy”?! I twasn’t in a Jacuzzi, nor am I very prissy.

I’m equally baffled by this one — “like fathers chasing kids around with po.”  Pork? Poles? Polyester? Pogo sticks? Porcupines? Pollen? Podiums? Potatoes? Poinsettias? Potable water? Politicians? Popcorn? Polar bears? Poetry? Postage stamps? Pocahontas? Poison? Polliwogs? Pocketknives? Pomeranians? Polaroids? Potassium nitrate? It boggles the mind.

Disturbingly, a lot of people find me using phrases involving “tapeworm.” At least once a week, sometimes more. Five times just this week. “Human tapeworm” (2) … “tapeworm segments in human” (2) … and “tapeworm segments in stool” (1).  I don’t take it personally, but I’m becoming a bit concerned about the health care in this country.

But I’m clearly the go-to blog for writers struggling for just the right turn of phrase, which more than makes up for it. In the past week I got these — “metaphors for being in the marching band” … “funny similes about love” … “urban similes” … “similes someone’s first day of high school” … “bad similes by teens and gross” … “e coli Canadian similes” … “a simile sentence for someone showing hat.”

Hmm. Hope I was helpful.

Got a simile sentence for someone showing hat? How bout a bad simile by teens and gross? Or any e coli Canadian similes?

May 12, 2009

Viva La Frivolous Lawsuit!

The Wacky Warnings website tells us …“When it was launched in 1997, the Wacky Warning Label Contest, sponsored by the Foundation for Fair Civil Justice, encouraged millions of Americans to focus on the need for legal reform in a most unique way.  By using humor as a hook, the contest captured the attention of the media and engaged the public in a conversation about how lawsuit abuse is changing our culture.”

This is the founder of the Wacky Warnings Label Contest, Bob Dorigo Jones, explaining his cause and introducing the winner of the 12th annual contest …

He wrote a bestselling humor book, “Remove Child Before Folding — the 101 Stupidest, Silliest, and Wackiest Warning Labels Ever.”

remove-child-b4-folding

Here are some classic wacky warning labels …

• on a washing machine: “Do not put any person in this washer.”

• on a personal watercraft: “Never use a lit match or open flame to check fuel level.”

• on a cell phone: “Don’t try to dry your phone in a microwave oven.”

• on the cover of a Yellow Pages book: “Please do not use this directory while operating a moving vehicle.”

• on a small tractor: “Danger! Avoid Death.”

• on an iron-on T-shirt transfer: “Do not iron while wearing shirt.”

• on a baby stroller featuring a small pouch for storage: “Do not put child in bag.”

• on a letter opener: “Caution: Safety goggles recommended.”

• on a Vanishing Fabric Marker: “The Vanishing Fabric Marker should not be used as a writing instrument for signing checks or any legal documents.”

• on a brass fishing lure with a three-pronged hook on the end: “Harmful if swallowed.”

• on a popular scooter for children: “This product moves when used.”

• on a flushable toilet brush: “Do not use for personal hygiene.”

• on a digital thermometer: “Once used rectally, the thermometer should not be used orally.”

• on a hair dryer: “Never use hair dryer while sleeping.”

• on an electric drill made for carpenters: “This product not intended for use as a dental drill.”

• on a bottle of drain cleaner: “If you do not understand, or cannot read, all directions, cautions and warnings, do not use this product.”

• on a smoke detector: “Do not use the Silence Feature in emergency situations. It will not extinguish a fire.”

• on a cardboard car sunshield that keeps sun off the dashboard: “Do not drive with sunshield in place.”

• on a label on a hand-held massager: “Do not use while sleeping or unconscious.”

• on a 12-inch rack for storing compact disks: “Do not use as a ladder.”

• on a cartridge for a laser printer: “Do not eat toner.”

• on a 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow: “Not intended for highway use.”

• on a can of self-defense pepper spray: “May irritate eyes.”

• on a pair of shin guards manufactured for bicyclists: “Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover.”

• on a snowblower: “Do not use on roof.”

• on a dishwasher: “Do not allow children to play in the dishwasher.”

• on a fireplace log: “Caution – Risk of Fire.”

• on a box of birthday cake candles: “DO NOT use soft wax as ear plugs or for any other function that involves insertion into a body cavity.”

Which is your favorite? Have you seen any Wacky Warning Labels?

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